ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
