my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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