you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
