my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
