Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
