At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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