I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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