ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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