Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
