he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
