I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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