I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
