I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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