Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
