Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
