And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
