sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
