saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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