So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
