My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
