Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
