Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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