cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
