I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
