You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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