I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
