HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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