mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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