My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
