If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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