i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
