like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
