"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
