Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
