its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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