look no pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
