she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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