I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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