Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
