This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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