ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
