My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
