I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Alive.
So much puke
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
