john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
