Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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