Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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