In the future we'll all be gay
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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