If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
