it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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