Michael Bay diarrhea
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The best revenge is premature balding
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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